When no means ignoring moms with a smile

What is it about little ones and their determination to do the things that you don't want them to do? I mean how can you look at that sweet innocent face grabbing the blinds or eating dry dog food exploring their surroundings and be stern and have to count to three or even worse swat his hand. It is tough, but has to be done in order to let him know that there are boundaries if they are at home or visiting friends. Consistency is key and that is the worst part and we are only 9 months into this.

The hardest part is trying to decide what is within those boundaries and what is outside of them. I don't want to be so restrictive on him that he isn't able to explore his surroundings, but at the same time I want him to realize that he cannot go places and touch anything he wants to just because it is within his reach.  So where is the fine line and how do we walk it?

Is this one of those things that parents work their way through with time or is it instinctual? He is very responsive with the counting, but I fear the more the countdown to one... two... three... happens it will begin to wear thin and not be as effective.

I don't want to be a hard ass with him, but I am adamant that he will be respectful in public and treat his elders with kindness and dignity. I don't like some of the younger generation these days... they are disrespectful and rude and run all over their parents. I don't think it is a good idea to have children see their parents as their equals, I think children should have to work for what they want and understand that things in life are not free. I want him to have a better life than we have had, but he needs to understand that he must be responsible and work for everything he achieves, because it means more to us as parents and more importantly to him.

Does anyone have any thoughts about this? Give us your feedback...

Insemination... Ready...Aim... Fire!

Ok, everyone... say it with me (or alone if you're more comfortable!)... SPERM!  Great!  But, saying it and actually purchasing it are two very different things.  Let's face it, no offense to the Women's Lib movement but without sperm no one is having a baby.  The process of choosing a donor can be time consuming, expensive, and trying on a relationship. 

To begin, you must research and understand the laws regarding insemination in your state.  In Georgia, for example, you cannot inseminate yourself and you can't get the product sent to your house-that's right, no turkey basters in the land where the devil went down to.  So, we had to use a fertility service.  We found one that specifically assists families such as ours.  I found this to be an incredible help.  They were a great resource for different donor banks, including price lists for specimens, storage, and shipping.  They also gave us counseling on what to expect when expecting and introduced us to support groups.  Lastly, and most importantly, they partnered us with an awesome OBGYN.  This doctor not only took care of the cysts that could have prevented our pregnancy, but she put Mama K on a regular cycle that supported a healthy egg and, as a result, she got pregnant on the first try (the chances of success on the first try, and a fact I did not share with K until after the good news-16%). 

Donor banks, of which there are an infinite number, should be scrutinized rigorously by you and your partner.  In our case, our fertility clinic provided us with a list of banks they knew to be good from experience.  I cannot say enough good things about ours.  Well established, larger banks will offer a host of services and products to help you choose the correct donor for you.  Your ultimate choice will be extremely important, because whether you choose a known or unknown donor, this individual will provide half of the biological foundation for you child.

In the next blog, I will talk about some things that will help you narrow down your choice! 

So you want to become Moms!

Good for you and welcome to the club (they don't call it a gayby boom for nothing!).  More than 270,000 children are being raised by same sex parents in the US and your little one will be adding to the ever growing and loving LGBT community(1/3 of lesbian couples and 1/5 of gay couples have children).  When we decided to have a baby we had been together for 13 years.  Our friends knew us as a couple, and a fun one I might add.  Our level of responsibility extended to car maintenance, bill paying,who was going to pick up dinner, etc. None of our immediate circle of friends had either the desire or the opportunity to parent and we thought we would kind of go through this alone.

One week last year, we were called by three different sets of college friends, none of whom we had spoken to in a while.  Each,in that same week, began the conversation with"You'll never guess what we're doing!"  My reply, the first time in jest, was "Trying to get pregnant!"  Followed by "Wow!  How did you know?" "So are we!".  We spent hours talking about sperm, doctors, lawyers, room colors, boys vs. girls, what the grandparents think about it...

Once you decide to have a child it's important to find out who your friends and family are.  The people who will stand by you are the best resource a new family has, regardless of orientation. Our son has a ton of "aunts", and a few "uncles"too", who we consider as part of our family because they love him and have helped us out more than once!  We are also very fortunate to have very supportive families.  In my case, it wasn't until the baby was inevitable (we were nearly 6 months pregnant) that they came around,but they love him unconditionally and think he's the best grand baby ever.

If you do not have a close group of friends or family you may be surprised to find that your community has a gay family group, we have the MEGA Family Project in Georgia.  They sponsor events such as the "Maybe Baby Seminar" where people just beginning to think about having a family can go and listen to the many options and resources, including legal, available to the LGBT community.    

Exploring family

Growing up I always looked at family units as mom, dad and kids. But as I began to get older I realized that family is what you make it and that there doesn't have to be a specific structure to it. It could be a group of your best friends, it could be your co-workers at work, it could be the teammates on your soccer team, or it could be your best friend who just happens to be a female and then the addition of dogs and cats and ultimately the best addition of all, a child!

I believe that the strongest component of families and the glue that holds it together is the love and respect it represents. Now the question is... will complete strangers accept and respect our family unit as we define it? Only time will tell.

The bond that links your true family is not one of blood, but of respect and joy in each other's life.

- Richard Bach