Me and My Shadow
Sunday, October 11, 2009 at 9:32PM So you would think it would be bad enough walking around avoiding the 14 year old dog who has lost his hearing or the cats that inevitably swerve into your path to try and trip you all the while possibly breaking your neck, but now lil guy is getting into the mix!!! So the last couple of days he is our shadow... I cannot tell if the separation anxiety is kicking in or if he just isn't feeling well because his molars are coming in.
The minute he wakes up he smiles, reaches those little arms up toward the sky for you to pick him up... he lays his sweet head upon your shoulder and maybe makes a few humming sounds. So you hug and snuggle with him until the time comes you have to put him down so you can go to the restroom, take a shower or let the dog out among numerous other things.
And the waterworks turn on... and the crocodile tears form and streak down his face... my heart just breaks when he gets so upset like that. I just don't think he is himself lately and I cannot quite pinpoint why. The interesting thing is that he doesn't cry when I leave him at daycare in the mornings. It is just at home when he has these types of reactions. And it isn't a consistent thing though.
Teary and tantrum-filled goodbyes are a common part of a child's earliest years. Around the first birthday, many kids develop separation anxiety, getting upset when a parent tries to leave them with someone else.
Though separation anxiety is a perfectly normal part of childhood development, it can be unsettling.
Understanding what your child is going through and having a few coping strategies can help both of you get through it.
How Separation Anxiety Develops
Babies adapt pretty well to other care givers. Parents probably feel more anxiety about being separated than infants do! As long as their needs are being met, most babies younger than 6 months adjust easily to other people.
Sometime between 4-7 months, babies develop a sense of object permanence and begin to learn that things and people exist even when they're out of sight. This is when babies start playing the "dropsy" game — dropping things over the side of the high chair and expecting an adult to retrieve it (which, once retrieved, get dropped again!).
The same thing occurs with a parent. Babies realize that there's only mom or dad, and when they can't see you, that means you've gone away. And most don't yet yet understand the concept of time so do not know if or when you'll come back.
Whether you're in the kitchen, in the next bedroom, or at the office, it's all the same to your baby. You've disappeared, and your child will do whatever he or she can to prevent this from happening.
Stresses Can Trigger Anxiety
Between 8 months old 1 year old, kids grow into more independent toddlers, yet they are even more uncertain about being separated from a parent. This is when separation anxiety develops, and a child may become agitated and upset when parent tries to leave.
Whether you need to go into the next room for just a few seconds, leave your child with a sitter for the evening, or drop off your child at day care, your little might now react by crying, clinging to you, and resisting attention from others.
The timing of separation anxiety can vary widely from child to child. Some kids may go through it later, between 18 months and 2½ years of age. Some may never experience it. And for others, certain life stresses can trigger feelings of anxiety about being separated from a parent: a new child care situation or caregiver, a new sibling, moving to a new place, or tension at home.
How long does separation anxiety last? It varies, depending on the child and how a parent responds. In some cases, depending on a child's temperament, separation anxiety can last from infancy through the elementary school years. In cases where the separation anxiety interferes with an older child's normal activities, it can indicate a deeper anxiety disorder. If separation anxiety appears out of the blue in an older child, there might be another problem, like bullying or abuse.
Separation anxiety is different from the normal feelings older kids have when they don't want a parent to leave. In those cases, the distress can usually be overcome if a child is distracted enough, and won't re-emerge until the parent returns and the child remembers that the parent left.
And kids do understand the effect this behavior has on parents. If you come running back into the room every time your child cries and then stay there longer or cancel your plans, your child will continue to use this tactic to avoid separation.
These are the days we should cherish though, right? Because there will come a day when he goes through the stage of his parents just aren't cool... :-) It is just difficult to see him so upset, but it is a learning stage for him and he needs to go through this. Let's just hope he grows out of it... I know he will.
He is such a joy to have around... we are blessed to have him!
It was really great... so last night we had a friend over and he walked over to her and got up in her arms and snuggled with her while we all watched Kung Foo Panda... there were actual times where he giggled and laughed at things that were going on on the TV. This was a first for him...